Hi, my name is Jessica, and I am…a step-mom.
There, I said it. Wow, what a word with so many connotations, yes? Step-mom. I am one, and I have had two. The word and the state of being a step-mom has numerous connotations. In my eyes, they are motherhood (which encompasses a stratosphere of its own connotations), nurturer, lesson-learner, lesson-teacher, teacher of life, social worker (depending on your family situation), chef, care-taker, nurse, planner, chauffer, entertainer, entertainee, barer of pain, sorrow, grief, and loss, barer of immense joy, love, and happiness. It has, however, been through my life’s journey, but especially my journey through step-motherhood, that I was lead someplace immeasurably special.
It is said that Satan will fill your life with distractions to keep you from God or make your life so comfortable that you would have no need for God. For me, it has been the former. My life has been filled with a tremendous amount of grief, loss, and distractions. Satan had been busy with me and he kept me from God the majority of my life. Through my youth, I could not imagine a God who would allow such awful things to happen to such weak, injured, and vulnerable beings. I was hurt, angry, and bitter. Being a step-mom and contending with the bitter, angry, jealous, grieving, and vengeful, ex-wife of my husband, continued to fuel my broken relationship with God. Dealing with infertility at this time, as well, did not help matters.
In came the twist and a meeting of souls in such timing that the immense power of the situation changed the very state of my heart. My husband and I, not to mention his children (my step-children), were experiencing blow after blow from the work Satan perpetrated through his ex-wife, God bless her. We all suffered and had exhausted all human means to resolve the conflict. I began to realize that all our human efforts were simply inadequate and always would be, especially against the guiles of the enemy. It was also nearing the time of my son’s first birthday. Yes, my son. We had been through near-death experiences with him all within his first year of life. Again, there was something nudging me to comprehend that it was beyond human power and control that my son came into existence and remained in existence. Enter my friend at work, who was there just at the right moment to nudge me a bit more in the direction of God. We began a daily prayer friendship that was very powerful. I then turned to my husband to bring this “radical” idea of God being a part of our lives. Guess what! He was being nudged, too.
I think back and recall receiving a text explaining that I was going to be “put in my place.” And do you know what? I truly was. However, not at all in the way I was expected to be put in my place. I look back on my life and all the experiences. I have yet to know God’s master plan, but I trust that there is one. I also know that had I not been through all that I had, I would not have had the fortitude to stay in this relationship with my husband and remain the step-mother to his children. But it was this woman, whose goal it was to put me in my place, along with the culmination of my past with my present trials and tribulations, the birth of my son, Gabriel (yes, I see the irony in his name;), the near-loss and suffering of my son twice within his first year of life, a new friendship, and God’s work on both my heart and my husband’s heart, that began our beautiful and unexpected relationship and need for God.
Each day now is a journey closer to God and further into His word. We have found more peace and comfort in the midst of our struggles than ever before. We have a community of fellow Christians who accompany us on our journey and encourage us to grow and learn. We have learned the power of prayer. Jesus is my friend. And yes, I am a step-mother, but as I have been put in my place, I have found that place is as a Child of God, above all else. My journey as a step-mother, mother, wife, daughter, step-daughter, sister, and friend is all for God, now. Everything has new light to it and a new perspective. It is all so much more special, now. It all has so much more meaning to it and a greater sense of urgency. I feel a far greater sense of duty and responsibility. My life is not for me. It’s for God and His purpose. It’s for my wee ones, whom I love more than words could ever describe. It’s for my loved ones and even for those who call me enemy. I am a servant and I look forward to further discovering where and how God will use me. For now, I think I am being used right in my own home, in the lives of my husband and children.
God, thank you. The enemy may use circumstances and people to try keep me from you, but you are always right there, if we look and listen, using those same circumstances and people for your purpose and you are far more powerful than the enemy. Thank you.
For those of you out there in my shoes, my heart goes out to you. Please, be encouraged and lean on God. Pray, pray, and pray some more. Pray for guidance and to act and speak in a way that is reflective of God’s character, regardless of how others may behave or react. Become more involved in your church or a small group setting, if you are able, and try to surround yourselves with a loving support system. Find a Christian counselor. Reach out for help. God’s warriors are out there. I promise you. Hey, write to me, if you would like!
Romans 8:28 NIV “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”