On most days, I am a fairly cheerful person. My glass is, the majority of times, at least half full. But I AM human, and I DO feel emotion. I get angry. I feel sad. I get disgusted and impatient and annoyed. Just like everyone else. In only the past few days, I have exchanged texts with a group of people praying for a young 17-year-old man getting a 2nd liver transplant in an attempt to save his life. In between those texts, I ran up and down the stairs at work, to check on a friend, who was bedside as her mother was passing away. I have gotten mugged and had money stolen from my bank account. I have received news that another friend's mother has just been diagnosed with breast cancer, and learned that someone else I love will have surgery tomorrow to diagnose and stage their ... View Post
UnAnswered Prayers?
As I sit here tonight listening to the rain fall, I can't help but think back to 23 years ago this evening. My heart was breaking, I felt more alone than I have ever felt in my life. Silently as we made the 150-mile road trip through the California desert en route to Loma Linda Hospital to give birth to my daughter, knowing that she would die, I cried out to God like I had never cried out to Him before, or have ever since. Why? Why MY daughter? WHY ME? Why is this happening to me? Why are you taking her away from me? Why God???!!!!! There's not much choice of music on the car radio when you're driving in the middle of nowhere. That's when I heard this song for the first time, and I knew, even though the author of it was not singing about MY situation, God was singing to ME ... View Post
The Thoughtful Nurse (Angel?)
The hallway was long and dimly lit. My nurse pushed me in the wheelchair - several family members by my side, and my daughter wrapped snuggly in a small blanket. I held her close. After her birth, and death, the nurses had tenderly allowed me to bathe Jacquelyn, and then thoughtfully clipped a small piece of her hair, took her small hand prints and footprints for me, and photos. They truly thought of everything. Thank God for thoughtful nurses. They were so thoughtful that, they knew it was best that I be on another floor where cries of newborns would not awaken me in the night. My new nurse, Cassandra, stood holding the door open to my new unit. As we slowly approached Cassandra, I was in awe of her resemblance to my cousin Jackie, who had recently passed away, and who I named my ... View Post
What “Might” Be Happening (when your loved one is in a coma ;)
My sister and I took turns spending time alone with Dad while he lay in his bed, having just been admitted into home hospice. It was summer, the windows were open, and Dad would often comment about the familiar noises of construction going on at the elementary school next to the house. In his confusion, he thought it was the MacLean Brothers Construction Company he worked for many years ago. When Dad wasn't paying attention to the noises coming in through the window, he was tapping his foot to the Cape Breton fiddle tunes of Natalie MacMaster on the CD player. He tapped his foot to the music until not long before he drew his last breath. But now and then, Dad would stare into space. And sometimes, his facial expressions would leave me wondering what was going on, because he looked as ... View Post
My Seeeester, Michele
It was a cute little place. I wasn't crazy about the small porch, but a walk around to the back proved it to be a friendly little neighborhood, and I loved the deck. A short-haired woman opened her sliding glass door, peeked her head out and said, "Buy it!!! I make great java!! Do you have any kids?" I came around front and we talked for a few minutes. Her porch was bigger than mine. She makes good java. Hmmm......... About a month later, my kids & I moved in. That's when Michele would ask the question - the one that would forever define who she was to me and to so many others. During one of our trips carrying boxes in, she came out with a cup of coffee and asked, "What can I do?" And she meant it. Soon another neighbor was at the door. That was Billy. He was my oldest ... View Post
What impresses you?
"He only had an 8th grade education. He had no college degree. He had no credentials after his name. He wasn't famous. He didn't invent or discover anything. But yet, I find myself wanting to be just like him." Those were the words spoken by someone at my Dad's funeral, the words that have stuck in my heart for many years following his death. And each of the stories, whether they were silly or sweet, told of who "Peter Little Allan" was. He was kind, genuine, soft-spoken, trustworthy, and charming. He didn't talk about people poorly, or behind their backs. He was ALWAYS willing to do just about anything for anyone. Everyone who knew him, loved him. He made everyone feel good, from his children, to the cashier at Meijers, the barber who cut his hair, and the guy who took his ... View Post
Paid In Full !
Many years ago during a very short assignment when I was in the Army, I loaned $800 to a "friend" who promised that she would pay me back before getting sent to her next duty station. But as the date for her departure grew closer, it was becoming clear that she had no intention of paying me back. I asked her repeatedly about when she was going to pay her debt, and her responses always made me feel horrible for asking, as she always expressed her disappointment in my doubt of our "friendship." The very day of her departure, she wrote me a $25 check and promised that she would send me the rest upon arrival to her new assignment. And in the memo line of that $25 check she wrote, "PAID IN FULL." Naive, young, and trusting her, I promptly deposited the check at the bank. Weeks ... View Post
Just Enough For Today
How ironic that I should be reading through Exodus Chapter 16 at the same time that I am helping my younger son figure out how to pay for the next four years at Moody Bible College. There are SOOO MANY PARALLELS!!! (And that's NO coincidence!) Ian is my son who prays for "just enough" - Which is a GREAT prayer! (I DARE you to pray it!) We have approximately 2-1/2 months before we must have an incredible amount of money. But God is already showing up, and He is providing, a little at a time. He is providing in such a significant way, making it VERY clear that THIS was His plan. And, He does this purposefully. He wants us to SEE Him as our Provider, our Sustainer! The Lord showed up for the Israelites when they were wandering in the desert for 40 years also. He provided bread ... View Post