As I sit here tonight listening to the rain fall, I can’t help but think back to 23 years ago this evening. My heart was breaking, I felt more alone than I have ever felt in my life. Silently as we made the 150-mile road trip through the California desert en route to Loma Linda Hospital to give birth to my daughter, knowing that she would die, I cried out to God like I had never cried out to Him before, or have ever since.
Why? Why MY daughter? WHY ME? Why is this happening to me? Why are you taking her away from me? Why God???!!!!!
There’s not much choice of music on the car radio when you’re driving in the middle of nowhere. That’s when I heard this song for the first time, and I knew, even though the author of it was not singing about MY situation, God was singing to ME through the chorus, reassuring me, comforting me, calling back out to ME, “I’m here. I’m with you. Do not be afraid. I am still in control.”
“Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers. Remember when you’re talking to the man upstairs, that just because He doesn’t answer, doesn’t mean He don’t care – Some of God’s greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers.”
Twenty-three years later, I know that he DOES answer ALL prayers. The rain is falling. I am waiting for Rory to get home safely from work. Ian is up laughing on the phone with a friend. God has been good to me.
A mother’s heart never, ever forgets the ache. The pain never, ever goes away. Never. But what a comfort it is to know where she is, and that I will see her again……
God IS good……..