Confronting My Assumptions

Someone I love very much recently (yet very lovingly), brought to my attention that sometimes I imagine that others assume the worst about me.

Let me re-phrase that.  Sometimes I ASSUME that others assume the worst about me.

I could have argued then, and I could argue even today, that in some instances, my assumptions may still be true with particular people, in certain instances.  However, I had to remember that this young man loves me.

And I still found this observation interesting enough, that I have given it a tremendous amount of thought over the past few weeks.

I’ve often said that we all have blind spots, things we cannot necessarily see about ourselves.  I don’t know what the back of my head looks like, I cannot see the mannerisms that belong only to me, and I would not recognize my own unique walk or facial expressions – but others close to me most certainly would.  And so would they see my blind spots – or dare I saw sinful patterns that need addressing?   Because let’s face it – some of our sinful patterns we are definitely aware of; others might require a faithful friend to lovingly bring them to our attention before we recognize them.  Oh my goodness… the need for community is just SO REAL!

But, back to my getting called out on my assumptions (before I am tempted to change the subject).

At first, it felt momentarily like a gut punch. (How dare you say this about me!)

But wait – do I really do this?

Ouch.

Yes.  Yes I do.

I had to keep reminding myself of something very, very important.  This brother does not intend to hurt or insult me.  He is not some random person with no interest in the growth of my character.  This young man wants the best for me.  He knows what the back of my head looks like, he recognizes my unique walk and mannerisms, and he sees things I cannot (or will not) see.  Most importantly, this person loves me, and he wants me to look more like Jesus.  I need to take this person’s words and observations seriously, just as I know he would mine.

Over the next few weeks, I became hyper-aware of whenever I made assumptions about people, and more importantly assumptions about what their assumptions were regarding me.  (Basically, there were just assumptions going on everywhere).

And yikes – it was true.

For example – No response to a text message?  I’m not a priority to this person, and I should therefore probably un-prioritze them.  Turns out they were sitting with a friend who was sick.

Who knew?…  the world doesn’t actually revolve around me.

I could list at least 10 more examples, but you get the point.

I also could have fired back in anger and insisted he not make assumptions about me.  Part of me really wanted to tell him not to ever do this again – not to assume my intentions or assume the worst about me.  But he knows me well, so I couldn’t – especially not when I remembered how much he loves me, and when I thought about how much I know he wants me to look more like Christ.  Not when I remembered that NOT calling me out on this sinful habit would have been very unloving and disloyal.  So  I listened.  And I didn’t just listen.  I listened so that I would “hear” him.

Over the next several weeks, I began noticing what he had called out – and he was right.  I was definitely hyper-suspicious of people at times, making assumptions about what they assumed about me or my intentions.  Who is it I’m trying to please, anyways?

And God is so faithful.  He is so committed to us.  After I began to believe that I had mastered not making assumptions about peoples’ assumptions, God not-so-gently reminded me of a grudge, as well as a suspicion that I have had against someone for ten years …  And when I say it was not gentle, I mean it was nothing BUT gentle.  Seriously – there was all kinds of glitter and sparkles in my face involved in this reminder.  Glitter and sparkles – really.  I mean it.

TEN YEARS!  TEN LOOOOONG YEARS I held a grudge.  And the funny part is that the person I held a grudge against doesn’t even know it.  So the only person this grudge ate away at was yours truly!  Me!

But God sure knew.  And He wasn’t going to let me forget it.  He is THAT COMMITTED to us, and that committed to whittling away at us so that He can make us look more and more like His Son.  He reminded me that He holds no grudge against me for my past sin, and that I have been forgiven, so who am I to make assumptions, and hold a grudge against this person for 10 years?!

“Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive”.  Colossians 3:13 ESV

Thank God for the body of Christ.  Thank God for those who love us enough to call us out on our sinful habits, who risk making a relationship uncomfortable, all for our very own sakes.  Thank God for those who are more committed to helping us look more like Christ than they are committed to making us feel good about ourselves just the way we are.

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend…”  Proverbs 27:6

If you’ve been holding a grudge against someone who may have made you aware of a sinful habit, recognize today what a gift from God that person is.  Confess it.  Repent of that grudge and be grateful for the community of believers you belong to, get to run the race alongside, and to do this life with.  This side of heaven, it’s the truest expression of love someone could show of their desire for you to look more like our Savior.  Thank God for them, and do it today.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”  Proverbs 27:17