Bravely, I decided to take my garbage out to the dumpster at the end of my court this morning at 7 a.m. It was still mostly dark out, and I figured no one would see me sneaking down there in my housecoat. But I watched as this figure of a young man bee-lined across the street and began walking towards me. Great. Someone's going to see me in my housecoat. I hope it's nobody I know. I think my hair is going in about 6 different directions right now. When I could finally see it was a young boy obviously on his way to the bus stop, back pack in tow, he yells out to me, "Ma'am, I can take that garbage to the dumpster for you!" He went out of his way to cross the street to be kind to me. Wow. This is unusual! We had a very short chat. I asked him where he lived and ... View Post
Get Over The Loss of My Baby???
Each year when young women post their stories for October's "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month" on social media, I hesitate to share my story of infant loss. Why? Okay, this is a bit embarrassing. Well, because it's been almost 28 years since my daughter, Jacquelyn, was stillborn. I should be over it by now. (What? Did I actually just THINK this ??) Wait a minute. What ??? I love younger women, and I love to support and encourage and love them through difficult circumstances, and I would never, ever, ever, ever tell anyone whose had a stillbirth, a miscarriage, or even been unable to get pregnant not to worry because eventually they will get over it. So - why did I just tell that to myself ???? Just as soon as I caught myself thinking 28 years was ... View Post
Just A Nurse
I'm a nurse, and....... There are so many moments when I wonder why I do what I do. Why did I decide to become just a nurse? Like, when my back hurts so bad that I'm not quite sure how I'll make it to my car, and when I do - I'm thankful for the long drive home with the back and butt warmers on, even when it's 90 degrees outside. When I scroll through Instagram and see photos of extravagant business trips my friends take and fancy dinner photos with their clients, and I drive home in my MRSA-tainted scrubs and flip flops because I would NEVER let my work shoes hit the floor of my home - I wonder why I became just a nurse. When my patient is unconscious and unable to interact with me despite all hopes that my interventions and family members' prayers will make a ... View Post
Lessons from Lyla – Wants Vs. Needs
It was only a few weeks ago when Lyla's new favorite way to begin a sentence was, "I want (and fill in the blank)." She wanted to be held, she wanted to play, she wanted to eat, she wanted to color, she wanted to come up, go down, throw the ball, etc. You get the picture. This week, she has expanded her vocabulary and now begins every sentence with "I need." I need to get down, I need to come up, I need to eat, I need a drink, etc. Again, you get the picture. Just the other day I brought a caterpillar cookie cutter to her house, with which we together cut out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and called them "caterpillar sandwiches" (for obvious reasons), and simply because it was fun! Yesterday morning when I stopped by for a few minutes, as soon as Lyla saw me ... View Post
Turning Pages
Are you like me? Do you start a book and occasionally just glance to see when the next chapter starts? Or, how many pages are left in the current one, just out of curiosity? Do you ever enjoy a chapter so much, but can't help but look forward to see how the story will end? Sometimes, I think life is the same way. As if I was reading several books at the same time (which I often do), some of my life's chapters seem to overlap those before or after the current one. Some chapters, like seasons - never seem to end. Some stories I have dreamed up what I could author as the most amazing fireworks-worthy conclusion! And for SURE I have sat back and tried to author my very own days the same way. For 33 years now, I've been in a chapter that I looked for a very ... View Post
Toddler Wisdom
My granddaughter is not quite 2 years old, and she is easily entertained and fascinated with the simplest of things. She finds beauty in the everyday glimpses of creation that most of us have become used to, perhaps even bored by. A simple "I see (and we then take turns filling in the blank), and she gets excited to point out her new baby brother's nose and ears, or even a little mound of sand outside with ants crawling in and out of their tiny house. Last week we stood very still together under a tree and watched as one leaf at a time fell to the ground. We waved to red cars and blue trucks, yellow school buses and motorcycles, and she was as excited as I might be if someone had purchased me a cruise ticket to Alaska! Yesterday while at work, I found out that the ... View Post
Nurses Encouraging Nurses
I wrote this roughly two years ago, and found it today. When I re-read it, I wondered why I never blogged it, because I still feel the same way! Since this piece, I have returned to the Medical Intensive Care Unit, but cherish every moment I spent in my almost two years in the hemodialysis unit! I was reminded yesterday that 10 years ago, at age 43, my nursing career "journey" began. (I thought I was old ) LOL Over the past 24 hours, I've laughed about that with one friend, talked seriously about it with another, and gone to a 2-hour meeting where nursing morale was discussed at length. I have thought A LOT about the past 10 years since yesterday, and a few other things lately..... both nursing career wise, and also concerning my heart .... Here comes my best attempt at ... View Post
“Just” a Mom
On my way to the first floor of the hospital, a couple with me in the elevator asked how to get to the parking garage from where we were. Since I was headed there as well, I walked with them instead of giving directions. We chatted a bit and I learned that the husband was an attorney. "What about you? What do you do?" I asked his wife. "I'm just a stay-at-home Mom," she said. But that's not the first time I heard the word "just" before a woman describes herself as a stay-at-home Mom. In fact, if I had a quarter for every time one of my patients' family members at the hospital described themselves to me as "just" a mom....... Well, I might have had that trip to Alaska paid for by now. Why is it that we long to be Moms, and then act as though it's not as important as ... View Post