Changing Hearts Through Foster Care

“WE ARE PREPARING TO BECOME FOSTER PARENTS”  (A Grandma’s Perspective)

When my son and daughter-in-law told me they were going to begin foster care classes, my mind went immediately to “Big Families of Michigan,” an organization founded by Jeanne Fowler.  I had heard her re-tell the story once, told in the third person, of the horrific experiences she and her brother Peter had gone through, and gasped with the rest of the audience when near the end she told us quietly, “and that little girl was me.”  I read the detailed accounts in her book, “Peter’s Lullaby” of the torture she and Peter had been subjected to by her parents.  I think my immediate response to the kids was something along the lines of warning them, because although I knew very little about foster care, I knew it was most definitely going to break their hearts.

I began reading all I could get my hands on about foster care, and joined some FaceBook groups in order to educate myself so that I could better support them in whatever ways they might unexpectedly find themselves in need, even from long distance.  Immediately I learned what I should not say.  I learned that encouragement and emotional support was crucial.  The rest, I’d learn along the way.

THE CALL 

I was at work caring for patients when I got the call.  They were going to pick up a 3-1/2-month-old boy.  They knew nothing about him, but dropped everything to pick up a baby at the hospital who they knew nothing about.  They didn’t know what medical issues he had, what color he was, whether or not he was addicted to drugs, had been abused, or any other details, including his name.  They just said, “Yes,” got in the car, and called to let me know they were on their way to pick up a baby boy.  And on the first call after bringing him home, “Oh Mum, he is a sweet, sweet boy,” was the description my son shared over the phone.  And all I could think was, “Well, here we go…”

THE MISSION FIELD

Both of my sons and daughters-in-law have always, always been mission-field focused, have traveled to serve in many different places, and in fact – both of my sons gave their lives to Christ in Bay St. Louis, Mississippi while doing Hurricane Katrina clean-up many years ago – a true Romans 8:28-29 story.  I’ve heard it said that no one returns from a mission trip the same, and for our family – it couldn’t be truer.  But, do we always have to think of the mission field as being in some faraway place that requires fundraising and travel?  No, we don’t.

I had the privilege to observe up close, a church and a foster community come together and provide for immediate needs – clothes, diapers, crib – everything a parent would need for a newborn and all of the things that would normally be gifts opened at a baby shower, already set in place nicely in a nursery awaiting a newborn.  Friends at church and in the foster community answer their phones in the middle of the night and meet the immediate needs of others.  This is what community is supposed to look like, and this is what their community did.  No questions asked.  Just “what do you need?” and they made it happen literally – overnight.

One thing was very clear – my kids had said yes to a mission trip with no idea how or when the mission would end.  The mission?  Love this baby with everything in them.

And they did.

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send?  And who will go for us?  And I said, “Here am I.  Send me!”  Isaiah 6:8

GIVING GRACE

My first of many trips to visit was within 48 hours of Baby’s arrival to their home.  He was scared and anxious at first, but slowly the emotional walls came down, and it was clear that he knew he was safe and loved.  And he was. so. loved.

The next 14 months would prove to be an emotional rollercoaster complete with court dates, attorney meetings, caseworker meetings, and schedule changes to accommodate all of Baby’s needs.  The details are private, but so unnecessary.  I watched not only the unpredictability of what each week would bring, but what God was doing in the hearts of my kids day after day.  They heard so many inappropriate comments that they were forced to digest, process, and at times even defend – from people telling them they were crazy to do this, to accusations about fostering in order to make money, to making assumptions about the Mom (capital M) and calling her names.

God forbid any of us ever forget that we are ALL made in the image of God, including Mom.  And we are ALL one catastrophic event away from our lives changing drastically and our resources to care for ourselves being lost.  We cannot forget that.  And especially those of us who call ourselves Christian – may we never forget some of the foolish decisions we’ve ALL made in the past, and God help us if we ever forget the undeserved GRACE that has been extended to us by God.

“Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” Luke 7:47

LOVING MOM (really, really well)

Over the past 14 months, I have watched my kids love this child like their very own flesh and blood.  I love this sweet little boy just like one of my own grandchildren.  I didn’t know that was possible.

It is.

But what’s been the most profound for me over the past year is not how well my kids have loved this child.  No.  I know them.  I knew they would.

What’s impacted me the most is the way that they have loved his Mom.  They have served her when she has been sick, encouraged her when she has been down, made it a priority to stay in close contact with her, and reassured her that her child is safe and loved.  I’ve sat at their kitchen table and watched them teach this sweet toddler how to fold his hands in prayer, and listened intently how they pray for Mom before every meal and at bedtime.  He will grow up being taught, and having modeled for him daily – to pray for his mother.

My DIL once said to me, “How can I love this child, and not love his mother?”  That literally stopped me in my tracks, and I have had a front row seat to watch them love her so very well for 14 months, and defend her when others have judged her and decided what she does and does not deserve.

Like I said, I’ve been educating myself by reading all sorts of Foster Care blogs and pages over the past 14 months, and I know I’m not supposed to ever, ever say how lucky this child is, so I won’t.  I know these are not “lucky” circumstances.  But I will say – Mom doesn’t need to worry about her child being loved or cared for, and I think my kids have shown that well by being the hands and feet of Jesus.  Some day, this world will be made right, and I can’t wait.

^“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”  Philippians 2:3-4

To my kids – You both looked like Jesus 14 months ago, but even more so today.  Thank you for reflecting Christ to all of us so very well!

To everyone else – My kids aren’t crazy.  They just love sacrificially really, really well and I’m so proud of them.

“Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.”  Hebrews 13:16

THE END OF THE STORY

…  hasn’t happened yet.

RESOURCES

Learn more about Big Family of Michigan here – https://bigfamilyofmi.org/

Learn more about Foster Care here – https://www.michigan.gov/mdhhs/adult-child-serv/foster-care