Confessions of An Empty Nester

It is AMAZING to me, in the short span of only 7 months, how much I’ve learned about myself since becoming an “empty nester.”   (Please, do not get having learned much about myself, mixed up with the notion that I have somehow “grown.”   I have not.   Not yet, anyways).

Being bored for a few hours today, I googled “empty nester” and the most bizarre things came up, from suggesting I study Buddhism, to taking tennis lessons, all the way to taking a sabbatical in India.

Um, NO thanks, NO thanks, and NO THANKS!

I left home at 18, traveled the world, lived in 4 different countries outside of the United States before the age of 30, raised two kids by myself for 21 years, and graduated from college a second time while they were still teenagers………….     So, I’m pretty confident I’ll figure this whole “empty nest” thing out……..   Eventually!

The sudden abundance of  “alone” time and the enormous change of going from a busy household of three to…..   just little ol’ me, has given me much time to recognize some unhealthy fears that need some healing, and a few humorous things about myself as well – Because, well, that’s just how I’m wired I guess.   I still manage to find humor in everything.

Oh, I’m certainly going somewhere with this all right.   I’m not sure where.   It’s a journey I hope to someday share.  But first things first.  First, I must travel it……….

In the meantime, I just wanted to share some of my “Aha!” moments as I recognized my fears.   And perhaps by my sharing the humorous things I’ve learned in the past 7 months, some other “brand new empty nester” out there might also find the journey a little lighter.   Gosh, I hope so.   I’m fairly certain we were not meant to get through these things alone!

1.  I confess – That I actually AM guilty of leaving a dirty dish (or 2) in the sink, for the morning.

2.  I confess, I have an unhealthy, at times uncontrollable fear of rejection by my “all grown up” sons.

3.  I confess – When I’m on the porch, and I can hear the loudspeaker at the middle school that my sons attended, I get a lump in my throat, missing the cold, rainy days of sitting in the stands at the football games.  I wish I could do it all over again.  (NEVER thought I’d say that!)

4.  I confess – I am proud of my sons, feel like I did a good job raising them, but fear that I will fail as a mother-in-law.  THIS fear, at times, is crippling.  (Again, lump in throat)

5.  I confess – Now that my kids have moved out, I buy more expensive ice cream, because I know it will last much longer than it would have when they lived here.

6.  I confess – I sometimes wonder if I should get rid of most of my dishes and baking pots and pans.   I have no one to cook for but me.   “What’s the use?”  I often think.   But I keep them in hopeful anticipation of someday having a toddler grandchild, with whom I will sit on the kitchen floor and teach how to play the drums on them.  (NEVER thought of this when I purchased them!)

7.  I confess – I sing out loud now, and I laugh at myself.   Sometimes, I dance, cuz no one is watching!   Seriously, I do.   And I do so, OFTEN.

8.  I confess – Even though I accomplished giving my children everything I promised, I still feel like I failed them by not being able to pay for the rest of college.  Even when they tell me it’s okay, I feel like it’s NOT okay.

9.  I confess, I fear many more things, like – What if the old saying, “A son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter forever,” is true?    What if my daughter-in-law just tolerates me because she has to, but that she really never loves me?  What if I’m not really acknowledged as a real family because I’m not married?  What if my sons feel like I failed them because they did not have a “Dad?”   What if they don’t know how much I love them?

10.  I confess – I forgot how very, very much I love a good book.

11.   I confess, I hear noises at night that I have probably heard for the past 16 years in this house, but never LISTENED to them before like I do now – And I get scared in the night.

12.  I confess, even after 7 months, I STILL don’t know how many potatoes to boil in order to make mashed potatoes for only one.  It’s always too much, or too little.

13.  I have absolutely no idea why I have a Costco membership anymore.

14.  I fear being forgotten, not thought of, or being an annoyance.

My biggest prayer?  That my sons will forEVER be the best of friends, and that their wives will love each other like real honest-to-goodness sisters.

This is only a glimpse of the journey I’m on.  I know that it’s only a small part of a much bigger story, and that little by little, He’ll walk me through it until I can take it and use it to point someone else to the only One who can calm our fears, and show us the purpose for our circumstances.

Please feel free to leave a comment, and share any “empty nester” wisdom you may have learned along the way!