Dear Younger Me, (An Encouragement to Younger Moms)

Recently, I’ve become hooked on a song called, “Dear Younger Me.”   On my 30- to 40-minute drive into work, it sometimes plays over and over. I’m not tired of it yet.   The words of that song, specifically, “If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far……..” have left me on a daily basis, not only finding it difficult to fall asleep with the song stuck in my head, but with all of my very own “THINGS that I have learned so far,” and “what I would tell MY younger self” running through my mind!”

Daily, it seemed for about a week, I added to the list more things I would tell myself.  It became a list of my own mistakes and it left me looking back with regret and condemnation at all of the poor decisions I had made, all of the people who had hurt me, AS WELL AS those that I was responsible for hurting.  I remembered mistakes I had made and things, if given the opportunity to go back, I may do a little differently.  There were a few nights that those thoughts left me feeling guilty and ashamed.   And sad.  I felt very, very sad.   I can’t go back in time.  I can’t change the past for me.  I can’t go back and UN-do the things I’ve regretted.  “This is very counter-productive,” I thought, and I began realizing how unhealthy these thoughts really were.

Until yesterday.

A friend of mine, younger than me with 4  children didn’t realize that she was on the schedule at work, and knowing we were friends, I began to receive very early morning phone calls from concerned co-workers, wondering if I knew where she was.  They were apparently unable to reach her.  I began texting and calling my friend, and she finally answered.  I could hear the exhaustion in her voice when she answered, and the panic in her heart when I told her she was supposed to be at work.   (Let’s be honest, we’ve ALL been there).  She had no time to get herself ready for work or to give the kisses and hugs that are part of every Mom’s routine.  Well, you can imagine how the rest of her day went after that start……. She felt defeated before she ever started her car, and she worried all the way to work.

Okay, so maybe we all HAVEN’T been there.   But I certainly have.

And then…………….     The lyrics ran through my head again………

Dear younger me
Where do I start
If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far
Then you could be
One step ahead
Of all the painful memories still running thru my head
I wonder how much different things would be
Dear younger me

There are a whole lotta “younger me’s” out there.   Single Moms, divorced Moms, foster Moms, married Moms, blended family Moms, Grandmas finding themselves in the role of Moms again, and the list goes on.

And the lyrics played in my mind again………….

Dear younger me
I cannot decide
Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life
Or do I go deep
And try to change
The choices that you’ll make cuz they’re choices that made me
Even though I love this crazy life
Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride
Dear younger me

As my day progressed, I texted my friend encouraging words, and the Lord began to slowly turn my very own list of regrets into a list of encouragements.  He’s like that, you know.  He allows us opportunities to use our regrets to encourage others.   He makes ALL THINGS NEW 😉

Last night, I began to write these encouragements down in my journal.  This morning, I awoke unusually early with more, and tomorrow, God willing, I may even have more!   My prayer this morning, is that one, or two, or more of them bless you!

• Don’t be so hard on yourself.   One of the most valuable pieces of wisdom you can share with your children is that you are NOT perfect.  You are going to make mistakes.  It’s okay.
• Practice saying “no.”   It will contribute greatly to your children not growing up to feel as entitled as the rest of their generation.  Saying “no” will also make it easier for you as they grow, so that when you HAVE to say “No, I can’t help you with that,” when they grow older, you don’t walk around feeling defeated and angry because you truly HAVE to say “no.”  (Trust me, I just spent an entire year angry at myself for not being able to help my son pay for a wedding, and also angry at those who could say, “yes.”)   It’s a pride thing.  And pride?  Yeah, it’s not a good thing.  (It got satan kicked out of heaven).
• Who cares if they spill milk?  Seriously – In 5 years, is it going to matter?  No!  So get a small jug, fill it with just enough milk, put it at their eyesight in the refrigerator, and allow them to pour (AND SPILL!) their own milk.  It encourages independence, and builds confidence.   And when they spill it, don’t get angry.  Lovingly show them how to clean it up, AND LET THEM!
• Every child (even the boys) needs to know how to scrub a toilet and a bathroom floor (on their hands and knees, hello!)
• Take lots and lots and lots and lots of pictures.
• Pray for your children.  Every day.  And pray for their future potential spouses, wherever they may be!
• Sit together at the kitchen table.  OFTEN.
• Don’t talk down to, criticize, and belittle your husband.  It’s not nice, and soon you will hear your little ones speaking the same way to everyone around THEM.
• Pray out loud, together.  Let them hear you thank God (for them!).
• Teach them to save.  Even if it’s a nickel a day.
• Teach them to give.  Generously.   Teach them this, by DOING it.
• Show them how to serve, and serve alongside of them.
• Behave in a such a way, that if THEY grew up and imitated you, you would smile (not hide).  Hint:  If YOU roll your eyes, THEY will roll their eyes.  If YOU have a filthy, obscene mouth, THEY will too.  If you talk about people behind their backs, you will hear them do it too.  If YOU are a bully, they will be bullies.  If you complain and grumble all of the time, so will they.   (To the single Moms, Do you allow men to come and spend the night with you at your home?   Well, do NOT be surprised when your children want to do the same).
• Children will imitate everything we do.  Don’t believe me?   (Ever notice how your children walk EXACTLY like their father, even though they haven’t seen him in decades?   I have.)   If they do things exactly like the parent they are NOT around, how much MORE will they imitate the behaviors that they DO see?    They will.  Children are little imitators!
• We ALL know how good encouragement feels.  So encourage them.  Slip little love notes into their school lunches, their back packs, or even under their pillows.  You know the things that encourage you.  Do that for them.  It WILL help to shape them into confident, happy, joyful, encouragers of others.
• Tell them you love them, OFTEN!
• KNOW who their friends are.  KNOW where they are.  KNOW about the homes you are allowing them to “hang out” at.
• And your #1 most important job you will EVER have, is to encourage a relationship with Christ, and SHOW them, that HE comes first, before all other relationships, even the one with YOU!
• Start encouraging those younger than you, today!
• “He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.”  Isaiah 40:11    Find encouragement in that for yourself, and share it with others.  He gently leads us AND our little ones!  Oh, I just love that!  And, looking back, (now without regret), I can see it…..   I can see how all along, He lead me AND my little ones…..   Wow!

Dear those of you, who, like me, have a list of regrets:   The next verses in the song below, are for us.   My prayer is that your list of regrets that may be currently bringing you condemnation, turns into encouragement for the “younger me’s” you know.   And I pray that you DO KNOW some “younger me’s,” but that if you don’t, you FIND at least one!  And encourage them, but NOT before you take your burden to the Cross.  And LEAVE it there, returning only with HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT.

If I knew then what I know now
Condemnation would’ve had no power
My joy my pain would’ve never been my worth
If I knew then what I know now
Would’ve not been hard to figure out
What I would’ve changed if I had heard
Dear younger me
It’s not your fault
You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross!