You know those seasons or circumstances in life that you find out you were never prepared for?
I was never really prepared for motherhood. I was never really prepared to lose a baby. I was never really prepared to be divorced. I was never really prepared to be a single mom. I was never really prepared to have to go back to school – twice. I was never really prepared to raise two teenage boys alone. I was never really prepared to have both of my sons leave home at the same time – permanently, making me an empty nester overnight. I was never really prepared to be a mother-in-law. I was never really prepared to be a grandmother. I was never really prepared to have my son move halfway across the country. And I was definitely never prepared for some of the heartaches I’ve experienced. I’ll bet you weren’t prepared for yours either.
Maybe all of my “I was never really prepared to’s” look a lot different than yours. Maybe all of my “I was never really prepared to’s” sound incredibly ridiculous. That’s okay. I honestly don’t believe most people are prepared for what life throws their way. And maybe it sounds ridiculous that I’m even giving this any thought at all, but that’s what happens to me when I’m all curled up on the couch when it’s trying to snow outside in the middle of April, and I just really, really need a night at home alone. I start pondering all sorts of things.
I’m not one of those girls who grew up dreaming about being a bride, having a house with a white picket fence and three kids climbing trees in the backyard. I don’t even think I ever had any serious dreams, which is why when I graduated high school I ran off to join the Army and asked the recruiter to send me someplace with palm trees because I had never seen one before. Truth.
What I DID dream about as a kid was living in the jungle with the elephants. I once had to present a science project and committed to doing it on all of the different types of elephants in the world. The night before the science fair, I had nothing but a poster board, and it was blank. My poor mother stayed up half the night doing my entire project for me. Thank God we had a complete set of The Books of Knowledge because this was at least 4 decades prior to the internet, which, by the way, makes my mother a freaking genius to have completed it with such limited resources! Thanks, Mum!
I bet she was never really prepared to be a mother who would stay up half the night putting together a science project on elephants. Just sayin’.
Once I realized my dream of living in the jungle with elephants was rather unrealistic, I changed my aspirations to becoming an Avon lady, and I’d practice my “Ding! Dong! Avon Calling!” sales pitch with family members.
I also had big goals to someday live in a mobile home like my Aunt Gerty in Nova Scotia. I really loved her little place. It was neat and clean, and felt like home. She had crocheted blankets on the back of her couch, and pretty little knick-knacks around her living room. For years I saved four tiny little china kittens my Aunt Irene gave me, and a red, white, and blue glass paperweight, anticipating that one day I’d be able to display them in a cute little trailer like Aunt Gerty’s. And I did.
I also admired Mary Tyler Moore, and thought it would be fun to live in a big city and have a busy apartment where friends felt welcome to drop in unannounced, and work with a fun group of people who felt like family. Years later when I lived in Mountain View, California, I’d go running frequently, and the last leg of my run would always be through downtown on Castro Street, and I’d laugh and think to myself, “I should stop in the middle of the street and throw my hat up in the air!”
Well, I sold Avon, lived in a trailer, owned quite a few meaningful knick-knacks that remind me of places I’ve been or people I’ve loved. I live in a small condo where those I love know they’re always welcome, but I traded in my dreams of living in the jungle with elephants for raising two boys by myself – which is sort of the same thing, if you ask me.
My life’s been full of surprises, and even though I accomplished my big dreams of living in a mobile home and selling Avon, God’s plans for my years have not looked much like I ever anticipated. And as I sit here curled up in the fleece Christmas blanket I definitely should have put away by now because it’s April… (but in my defense, it IS trying to snow)…. I think it turned out a million times better than I ever could have dreamed it would have – even with its heartaches and hiccups. So at 61, if you ask me tonight the biggest lesson in life I’ve learned, I’d probably have to say – I’m not prepared for what the Lord has up His sleeve for me, but I trust Him way more than I trust me. And I know I can trust Him for a MILLION different reasons, but tonight I’m laughing as I think to myself – Ummmm, He didn’t send me to live in the jungle with elephants! Thank you, LORD!
I might, however, have to stop and throw my hat up in the air one day in the middle of the street.
What are your Saturday night ponderings?
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