I spent yesterday evening at my kitchen table with a close friend discussing all sorts of things. There’s nothing I love more than kitchen table company, with or without food! Among the 75 things we chatted about for quite some time, was who we admired, looked up to, and find ourselves wanting to be more like.
Well, as I was waiting for my friend to text me and let me know she arrived home safely, I began thinking about not only the person I admire most, but someone I admire least. Call me odd, but these are the kinds of things that happen when you live alone – you either talk to yourself (and answer), or you start thinking about all sorts of different things.
So, I started to think about people in my past. I’ve had so many I’m grateful for, who have provided good examples for me. But I find myself equally grateful for the good examples of bad examples that have been shown me. Both have been, and continue to be valuable.
I lost track of the number of times I told my sons when they were disappointed in someone, that sometimes God sends us a really good example, of a really bad example.
When I was a young teenager, and ashamedly, again when I was a young adult, there was a woman who I thought was really “cool.” She told me “dirty little secrets” about someone in my family, and swore me to secrecy. She smiled to my mother’s face and spoke wickedly behind her back. As a rebellious teenager and young adult, I foolishly listened. But, those things were none of my business, and were likely not even true, and as I grew, I remember praying no one would ever, ever do that to me. I lost all respect for that woman. I don’t know where she is nowadays, but I hope no one ever spoke poorly to her sons and daughters about her. What a hurtful thing to do.
She made a big impact on me, and not a good one. That experience made me suspicious of people, and caused me to easily lose respect for anyone who would intentionally gossip or speak poorly about someone to someone who loved them, or family members who would get together and chat about other family members. I’m not sure anything else nauseates me as much.
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
God wants us to breathe out words that roll off of our tongues encouraging and building others up, not gossiping or speaking poorly about them, and I think – especially about someone who loves us. I wish I would have realized this decades ago, and stopped that woman from saying the things that she said. And lest I lay all of the blame on her… I listened. That makes me equally responsible. And I’ve too, been guilty of gossip and saying unkind things about people. I’ve let unwholesome words roll off of my tongue and definitely discouraged others.
These are my Sunday afternoons ponderings today… finding myself grateful for the good example of a bad example someone provided me, but also remorseful for the times I’ve probably been that good example of a bad example to someone else.
I’m so grateful that God didn’t send His Son to die for us and then just leave us here alone, without the Holy Spirit to convict us of our sin. And I’m in awe this afternoon over a few things, the greatest of which is His grace to forgive our foolishness, and His mercy not to give up on us, but to continue to sanctify us and bring us closer and closer to Him. Like I always say… if you get to heaven and God has gray hair and wrinkles, it’s because it was me who gave Him quite a run.
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”
Proverbs 18:21
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