I Know Who Goes Before Me!

CHANGE.   That word has been the “theme word” of 2014 for me.   Not a month has gone by without some huge life change in my family, as well as in my personal life.  I went to bed in tears last night, which oddly enough was Veteran’s Day, remembering fondly all of the “PCS” moves I made while in the service.   I remember each and every time I left somewhere, who took me to the airport, who I stayed in contact with, how much I hated leaving, yet how excited I was for my next adventure.   And I remember people I expected to see again, but never did.

Those who know me best, KNOW that my adventurous spirit has never lacked an unspoken, inside fear, doubt, and worry.  It’s been something I have always struggled with.  But those things I fight inside, have never stopped me from jumping into the next adventure.  The big difference between then and now is – I am now more prayerful about decisions than I have ever been in my past, and I “believe God” will answer my prayer.  I pray for his PERFECT will.  I’ve learned, so often in the most difficult and heart-breaking of ways, that His PERFECT will is what I want – NOT, NOT, NOT His permissive will.   Oh, if only I’d have known back then, what I know now………..

But I do!  I DO believe He will answer my prayers……..   He has shown me His faithfulness too much in the past years for me to doubt now.  (Don’t get me wrong, there are some prayers I often struggle with, and I DO “doubt” He will answer those to my specifics!)  But I DO believe when I pray for HIS will in my life, and HIS strength to accept it, and HIS courage to face it……….    He answers.   And He answers very clearly.

This year, I prayed for some very personal things that HAVE been answered.  I cannot share those here.  Those are just between God and I.   But they HAVE brought very big, GOOD changes to my life.   Ahhh…….  There’s that word again – C-H-A-N-G-E!

Rory, my little boy who brought me so much joy got married recently.   So often this year, I have reminisced of our days together in Germany when we rode the trains and subways, or took adventures to different parks, or flew across oceans to visit family!   Rory – Who couldn’t wait to get his little brother, and what a fine big brother and friend he has been to Ian.   What a blessing to have two boys who ARE the very best of friends!

And Ian – Sweet, quiet Ian.  Spending the past two years watching his desires change, and watching him obediently chase those passions has been one of my life’s greatest joys thus far!   I miss him, but it brings me comfort knowing he is where he is supposed to be.    Watching God’s plans play out in his and Rory’s lives is exciting, and comforting, and keeps me smiling and satisfied daily!

And Holly – Oh dear, I would have PICKED her for Rory, had he not done so himself!   Finally.  A daughter.   And she loves simple, pretty things.  And she loves Jesus.  Do I even NEED to say anything more??   I love her.

Not long after I became and “empty nester” the Lord began rearranging MY desires as well.   And with that, came a recent search for new employment opportunities.   Scary.   Change is SCARY to me.   Though you may not know it, underneath my smile and my laugh, there is always lurking a “What if?” fear….       But I prayed.  I prayed SPECIFICALLY, and I prayed for Him to be SPECIFIC in His answer, and He was.  And now?  Now I must be obedient and jump.  It is not time to listen to the underlying “what if?”   It is time for OBEDIENCE.  He answered my prayer.  He answered my SPECIFIC prayer.  And He answered it – SPECIFICALLY.

So, I’m jumping.   But PRAISE GOD, that I am only going up one floor, and down the hall, though it does feel so much like the day Steve, Ken, & Skip took me to the airport in Seoul, Korea and put me on that plane for a 24-hour flight back to the United States.   My throat hurts and my heart is exploding…..

Thank you, God.  Thank you for answering my prayers, for hearing me, for giving me a broken heart as I leave.  Praise GOD that I am not happy to leave, because that would have meant that I did not make friends, and that I was miserable.   THANK YOU, God, for each and every one of my friends, as well as each person whose hand I held, whose ear or heart I whispered into, or whose smile or kind word you spoke through them, just for me.  I know you go before me, and that you have plans to use me exactly where you’ve decided to place me – and I know you love me and believe in me, even more than I believe in myself!   This day, this day – is JUST for you…..

Your Beloved Daughter, Rita