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by Rita Louise MacDonald

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Now What?

by Rita Macdonald

bye mom

Only a mile away from home this morning, on my way into work, I remembered a time years ago when I was very, very angry at my son Rory for accidentally throwing out a $250 pair of Irish dance shoes that I had flown to Chicago to have custom fitted just for MY feet.   It was just a pair of shoes.  I was way, way over angry.   Tears started welling up, and almost uncontrollably I began crying, and called my son to apologize for how angry I was that evening.    He must have thought I was nuts.  “It must be my hormones,” I thought – Or maybe it was because yesterday I thought often throughout the day about my friend Cheryl losing her 17-year-old son in a car accident.

But on my way HOME from work, I received a text from my younger son, Ian, that he and his brother were at the show seeing a movie.   I was sooo glad. They haven’t spent much time together lately just the two of them, so I was glad that they would make the effort two days before Ian moves to Chicago.

On came the tears again.

As I got closer to home, I realized I have worked so much lately, that I have not cooked Ian’s favorite meal for him before he leaves!   And since I work tomorrow again, there’s just no time.

Guess what happened next…..    Back came the tears again………

So it’s 10:15 p.m., and I just finished making a big pot of spaghetti for my sons to enjoy tomorrow when I am at work.

But as the noodles were boiling, and the sauce simmering, I sat at my kitchen table making a list of what to pack for our trip to Chicago.  I thought about all of the times we sat and laughed at the table, or cried, or even argued!   I thought about the cookies I used to have for the kids after school, the homework they did there, and the most recent cups of coffee I’ve shared with them.

Yeah, guess what happened next…..      More tears.

The kids are grown.   In fact, I rarely get to cook for them anymore.   I see my oldest son most often if I run into him at work.  Sharing my kitchen table with my children is not something that happens very often anymore.   I’ve even recently moved one of the chairs to the basement.

Guess what I’m doing right now………..

More tears.

My sweet friends know just how to make me laugh.  “At least it’s all good stuff!  I mean, you’re not visiting them in prison!”  said a friend of mine today.  Yeah, I suppose they’re right.  It just feels really strange.   I mean – I remember the day I left Germany and got on a plane to come home, alone, jobless, with an almost 2-year-old, and 7 months pregnant.  I didn’t know how the heck I was EVER going to “make it.”  The future for all of us was soooo very unsure.   It’s been a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and a whole lotta prayers.   But I did it.  I’ve “crossed the finish line,” as my friend Joan puts it.

Still feels weird though.   Why?  Cuz I put 150% into being Rory & Ian’s Mum for the last almost 23 years, and now I feel EXACTLY how I felt when I was getting on that airplane from Berlin to Detroit.

Now what?   Yeah, now what?

More tears………

Well, there’s 2 chairs at my kitchen table.  No one has sat there with me very often over the past year.   I have a 2-cup coffee maker, and I’d love some company.    (This isn’t “hormones.”   This is just a new chapter.)

coffee

 

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Comments

  1. Claudette Ciegotua says

    August 20, 2014 at 11:18 pm

    You put this one together really well for us empty nesters! It is a new chapter and one step at a time. Know that those boys love and admire you above anyone else in this world. I know. I watched them grow up under your care. No one I know has ever done a better job, and Cheryl would tell you that herself. We’ve both said it many times. Hang in there Cookie! I can always make some more chicken soup. It makes you smile.
    Love you every day,
    Mom

    Reply
  2. Sally says

    August 19, 2014 at 8:36 am

    Rita, while I may not be able to sit at your real kitchen table with you, I certainly do enjoy the spiritual food you serve at your virtual table. I am sharing a cup of coffee with you now, and am grateful for the warmth and wisdom you so freely give. Congratulations on the fine job of raising your two young men; I will be in your shoes in 4 years as the single mom of two girls.
    May you continue to be surrounded by His love and community. Thank you for letting us be a part of your life.
    Sally

    Reply
    • Rita Macdonald says

      August 21, 2014 at 6:44 am

      Sally – A week late (sorry), but I just read your comment and want to say thank you for the encouragement! I’ll be praying for you and your daughters. Meanwhile, after dropping my son off at College, I spent the night in a hotel, and am currently having a cup of coffee, praying for YOU! 😉

      Reply

Hello, I’m Rita.

Rita Louise MacDonald

I am a very imperfect follower of Jesus. Much of my journey in learning to follow Christ – as a single mother and now as an empty nester – has taken place at my kitchen table. I invite you to pull up a chair, enjoy the stories, maybe even collect a recipe or two!

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