My oldest son, Rory, is counting the months until his wedding, and until the day he starts his new married life. My younger son, Ian, awaits (far more patiently than his mother), an acceptance letter to a university. Potentially, both of my kids could move out at the end of the summer.
As I prepare for this (how exactly does one prepare for this?), I find myself hoping and praying so many things for them. I’m praying that they make wiser choices than I did. I’m praying they are better people than I am. I’m praying they are better spouses and parents than I was. I feel abundantly blessed in this life, I do – But I want even more for my kids. And the odd thing, is that as I pray these prayers for them, I am realizing several things that I’ve had wrong for a long time. But I’m also wondering – Am I the only one who sees clearly looking back, as if I have 20/20 vision? – But sees things blurred as I look into the future?
But that’s not all. I’m learning that I am not quite as wise as I once thought I was….
We bring our babies home from the hospital and secretly and silently (perhaps), vow to them not to make the same mistakes OUR parents did. We just know that we somehow are quite a bit wiser than they were. We pick and choose the things we do and don’t care for in our upbringing, our homes, our parents, our siblings, and then we not only use them as excuses for anything about us that is not quite right…. (rather than admit God needs to do a work in US!) But we parent as if we somehow have the “updated” version of the Parent’s Guidebook that God sends with the birth of each of our children. (Please don’t Google this book – It DOES NOT EXIST!)
Nah. I’m discovering (yeah, maybe I’m a little slow) – I’m just as broken, imperfect, human, and in need of a Savior as my parents and my siblings…. If I really believed I was so wise, why then, would I be so afraid of passing on my imperfections to my sons!
I think families would be a lot more “functional” if we recognized the human-ness in each other (AND ourselves), and started functioning from a “love” perspective rather than from a “loyalty” perspective. There would be more forgiveness for SURE, loads more understanding (AND grace!), far fewer years lost in anger and resentment, and oodles and oodles of fun memories.