Keep the Botox

Ten years.  That’s how long I’ve been an empty-nesting, former single Mum of two sons.  They are only a couple of months away from turning 31 and 33; thus, the reason I call myself a “former” single Mum.  Now I’m an empty-nesting single “Gummy.”

I’ve blogged often about the journey – more so in the years immediately following  – certainly not because my empty nesting life has become routine; it has definitely not!

I write for a local newspaper, as well as for an online digital magazine, and remain employed full time as an RN – so that does take up a lot of my time!  Also I spend evenings with my almost 88-year-old Mum, and try my hardest to get one day a week to spend with my son, daughter-in-law, and grands – in between necessary appointments and life in general.  It doesn’t always work out, but I give it my best shot!

There have been plenty of times I’ve sat down to write, only to rest my fingers on the keyboard and come up with absolutely nothing.  Other times I’ve jotted down ideas during the day, only to have my mind go blank once I sat down to blog.  The older I get, the more I realize how much I don’t know or understand.  And the more life that passes by, the more I realize this season of life has been anything but what I’d expected.  But sometimes I wonder if the Lord just wants me to sit still and listen.  After all, not every quiet moment needs chatter, not every thought needs to be blogged, not every detail needs to be shared, and not every story needs to be told.

These days, despite their busy-ness, are closer to home, quieter, and sweeter.  It’s comforting to watch all four of my kids get along so well, and have mature, authentic, and rich relationships.  It’s fun to watch my grandchildren look and act just like mine did when they were little.  It’s like God’s way of not only helping me remember, but reminding me of how sweet those years were when they were little.  I watch Holly teaching Lyla how to sew, and Rory showing Owen how to use his tools.  Maci’s just obsessed with lipstick right now; she is her Mama’s little shadow and we’re all just soaking up and taking in the last of these toddler snuggles.  I sleep well at night.  They are all doing such a good job.

And then there’s I & H, making a sweet life for themselves in another state.  Oh gosh, where do I begin?  I never imagined I could love a child like my own, but foster care has become their calling these days and I’m as in love with their current little one as they are, and often find it hard to sleep at night worrying about their hearts getting broken, and worrying about their sweet little boy having to be lonesome again some day.  I think I’ve aged exponentially in the past month, and certainly have a few extra wrinkles to show for it.  (Any and all foster grandparents’ wisdom and prayers welcome!)  This is hard, hard, emotionally up and down, heart-breaking stuff!

I walked every night this week and have watched and taken photos of the trees changing colors in my neighborhood, and they are more beautiful than I ever remember them being in the past 61 years!  I’m not sure if that’s because we’ve had a more mild autumn that slowed down the season and allowed us all to enjoy them, or if I’ve just slowed down and taken the time to really admire their beauty.  I’ve been reminded of all of life’s seasons that go by so quickly.  For some reason, the Lord has really allowed me to slow down and enjoy them, just like He has allowed us all to enjoy the beauty of a Pure Michigan autumn.

Keep the Botox, the liposuction, the anti-aging products.  I’m loving this season of life when I do more praying than I do writing, more listening than I do talking, and more reflecting than I do blogging.  My vision is going, and likely my hearing too.  I’ve got one sore hip, a messed up knee, and a back that gives out now and then, but you know what?  I’ve got a much, much clearer perspective on what matters (and what doesn’t), and I believe my priorities are straighter than they’ve ever been.  And I’d rather have that than the body I had 30 years ago – well, sort of.  LOL

None of us are going to arrive at the end safely, more healthy, or unharmed, so can we stop trying to live in the past?  It’s exhausting living in a world that no longer exists; I know from experience.  I’d much rather lean in and embrace the season I’m currently walking through.  God’s got something for me here, and I don’t want to miss out on whatever it is – even if it does make my heart ache for a little while.

“Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”  Psalm 119:105 ESV