“Why is this happening to me?” It’s a question that has haunted me for the past few weeks after being asked by one of my patients living with cancer. And if I can be honest, I get asked questions that are difficult to answer all the time. If it’s not at work behind a curtain, it’s in the prison where I spend time visiting inmates – mothers, daughters, sisters, none of them perfect obviously, but all of them asking many of the same questions. In fact, if you’ve lived on planet earth more than a week, they often ask questions that every one of us have likely asked at some point in our lives.
Why did God allow sin to enter the world? Why couldn’t He have created us to love Him without questioning anything? Why sin? Why did He create me, and why would He allow me to reject Him?
Hard stuff. Really hard stuff. But don’t we ALL wrestle with deep questions that take us down rabbit holes of even deeper ones? Don’t kid yourself – everyone does.
I’ll admit – I am often stumped, and brought to a place where I don’t have answers to some of the questions that get thrown at me, especially from women whose children have been molested by their own fathers, or from young girls with traumatic brain injuries from years of physical abuse, or from women who’ve been trafficked and sold over and over and over until convincing them of their worth feels impossible. I always know where to point them, though. God’s Word is sufficient, and I take them there, often finding I needed a reminder myself.
But when someone asks me why God didn’t create us to just love Him automatically, unconditionally, and without question – well, that’s a pretty easy question for me to answer, and I begin by telling them one of my favorite stories.
There was a time right after my son Rory had gotten married and was living with his new wife down the street. He called me at 12:30 a.m. on his way home from work, woke me up from sleep and said, “Mum! Put on your robe, and wait for me at the front door!” A few minutes later he pulled up in front of the house and I climbed into the car. “Mum, you just HAVE to see the moon!” He was so excited. We drove out onto Metro Parkway in the middle of the night, and drove back and forth just to get a glimpse of the moon, which was not only full, but looking as though it were right in front of us. It was HUGE!
I didn’t mind getting woken up for that. Not one bit. I’ll never forget that night. Not the moon – But the night Rory was excited to show it to me. I’d lasso that doggone thing and give it to him if I could…..
My son’s excitement was so genuine that night. He wasn’t just going through the motions, stopping over for an obligatory visit. He was whole-heartedly, authentically excited to share seeing that great big moon with his mom.
A couple of years after that, the boys surprised me and planned a surprise trip home from Chicago for Ian. Imagine my excitement when both of my sons came in the door at the same time, laughing as I jumped up off the couch! What an amazing gift they took the time and arranged for me!
God doesn’t want us to show up on Saturday nights in His house to “get it over with,” or leave our coats on and strategically find a seat in the back so we can hurry out when the service is over. He’s not stupid, and if you are only paying an obligatory and robotic visit, and checking the box, and marking it off your weekly to-do list, you can’t fool Him any more than someone can fool you stopping by your house only because they feel obligated. He knows when you genuinely want to be with Him. He’s God, and He knows your heart even better than you might think you do.
God doesn’t want little pre-programmed robots, and he doesn’t want us just going through the motions. He wants us to be genuinely excited to spend time with Him, and with the people of God. I think the Lord gave Rory and I that evening so that we would get just a glimpse and a taste of what He feels like when we get excited to spend time with Him, and with His people. He wants our love to be authentic and childlike, just like Rory’s was that night. Ah, those were the days.
It’s been a full year since either of my sons have been to my home, but next week, God-willing, all three of us will be under the same roof for a short visit, and I don’t know about them – but I can’t wait!
“We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
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