In 1985 while sitting in my office in Korea, our mail carrier brought me a handwritten letter from someone, writing to tell me our friend Connie had been murdered in Italy a few weeks before. That was way, way more than I could handle. In 1991, at Loma Linda Hospital in San Bernadino, California, Mary Small, MD, did an ultrasound on me when I was about six months pregnant. She told me my daughter had no brain and would not survive outside of my womb. Then she asked me if I wanted to deliver now, next week, or just wait until I went into labor. That was way, way, WAY more than I could handle. When Jacquelyn was born on January 11, 1991, I held her lifeless little body all night, and someone came to take her from me the following morning - take her from me forever and ever. ... View Post
Cooking for One
If you know me, you know that I'll talk to just about anybody. That's why people think I'm an extrovert. But I'm not. While it's true that I can talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime - the truth is that I love nothing more than coming home to my quiet little house where if anything is out of place it's nobody's fault but mine. The very thought of having to share my closet, my refrigerator space, or my toothpaste with another human being is worse than the thought of seven root canals. For real. Oh gosh, where was I going with this? Oh! Mashed potatoes, that's right. One of the most frequent conversations I've found myself in the middle of lately is that of sharing the changes that come with empty nesting. I've shared with three or four women lately, and one of them as recent as ... View Post
The Chinese Rubber
My nursing career has taken me a few different places over the last four years since leaving the unit I was on for 14 years, and so have my "school shoes," as I have always fondly called them - something I'd never anticipated. The stories in hospice and those in oncology are much different than those I'd brought home from my years in the ICU. But what hasn't changed is that I still wish I could call my Dad on the way home from work. He's been gone 20 years now, and I still get a good fun story now and then, and want nothing more than to pick up the phone and hear him laugh. And that is exactly what happened a few weeks ago. I love the meaningful, deep conversations about hard stuff. I really, really do. My friend and I call these "protein-packed conversations." But now and then, ... View Post
Old MacDonald “Black Bean & Sweet Potato Chili”
Ingredients: 2 Tablespoons olive oil 1 diced medium onion 2 diced garlic cloves 2 medium sweet potatoes peeled & diced 2 Tablespoons chili powder 2 teaspoons cumin 2 teaspoons paprika 1 teaspoon salt 28 ounces diced tomatoes Two 15-ounce cans of black beans, drained & rinsed 2 Cups water Directions: In a large pot over medium heat, add the olive oil. Saute the diced onion for 3 minutes, and then add the garlic and sweet potato and cook about 3 more minutes. Next add the chili powder, cumin, paprika and salt and stir into the mixture. Next, add the diced tomatoes and their juices, drained and rinsed black beans and 2 cups of water. Stir it up, and let it simmer about 30 minutes. Top with green onions, sour cream, & avacado slices. ... View Post
Why God Didn’t Make Us Little Robots
"Why is this happening to me?" It's a question that has haunted me for the past few weeks after being asked by one of my patients living with cancer. And if I can be honest, I get asked questions that are difficult to answer all the time. If it's not at work behind a curtain, it's in the prison where I spend time visiting inmates - mothers, daughters, sisters, none of them perfect obviously, but all of them asking many of the same questions. In fact, if you've lived on planet earth more than a week, they often ask questions that every one of us have likely asked at some point in our lives. Why did God allow sin to enter the world? Why couldn't He have created us to love Him without questioning anything? Why sin? Why did He create me, and why would He allow me to reject ... View Post
Finding Treasures in the Ladies Room
In 2012, I took my first trip to volunteer at the Passion Conference in Atlanta, Georgia when my younger son was attending as a college student. The details of where we stayed, when we ate, how we managed to connect at the end of the day, and find each other during those very long four days escape me 13 years later. To be honest, the days were so long that I don't even remember any of the details surrounding where we stayed or how we got to and from the airport. What I do remember is that I was placed on what was referred to as the "Touch Team," meaning I would have some sort of involvement in the everyday activities of the students. Initially I was placed in a group of about 50 people who would eventually be broken down into smaller groups, and then smaller, ones. And I'm not sure ... View Post
“Hand-Me-Down” Holiday Traditions
Right in the middle of me talking with my patient a few weeks ago, her phone rang. "I have to take this," she said, "it's my daughter!" I listened as she gave detailed instructions on how to re-create the stuffing for the turkey she grew up loving so much. My patient smiled at me as I waited. It was a sweet moment for me. She didn't seem bothered at all, either, when her daughter called several more times during her chemotherapy treatment to ask several other questions about her favorite recipes she'd grown up enjoying. Apparently, this daughter was taking over hosting the Thanksgiving holiday this year since her mom was going through cancer treatment and really didn't feel quite up to preparing a meal for the entire family. My patient asked if I was hosting, and what the plans ... View Post
Closing Out 2024
As 2024 comes to a close, and Christmas cards flood the mailbox, I find myself looking forward to new beginnings, just like everyone else. For several years when Rory & Ian were young, I would type up a New Year letter, print it on festive paper, stuff it into envelopes and spend a small fortune sending them out to family and friends. I wish I'd have kept copies for myself to look back it, but it never crossed my mind. Oh well, live and learn, right? One year, someone wrote me and said that she no longer wished to receive my letters because they were boastful and phony and she was tired of hearing about my perfect life. My life was far from perfect, but that was the last year I sent out a holiday letter. Ever. Year after year since then, I've enjoyed getting updates stuffed ... View Post